Khuman Ngakpa

Read : Mental disorder cases pile up in Manipur

2009-11-08T11:34:00.005+05:30

This article appeared in NDTV website. A wonderful read. Reality of Manipur in less than thousand words.

http://www.ndtv.com/news/india/manipur_violence_continues.php

After simmering in militancy for a quarter of a century, Manipur is a wreck.

There are at least three dozen separatist militias operating in the state. The fall-out: an average of two psychiatric cases are reported everyday, each of them stemming from conflict-related disorders, and that's just at one government mental health centre in Imphal. The state has only 13 psychiatrists. It needs at least thrice the number to attend to the growing number of patients.

Virtually every family in Manipur has at least one member who had been -or remains - abducted by militants. Every second family has lost a member or more to militancy.

We choose a house at random to find a state government officer who managed to return to safety. ''I had to escape, otherwise they would shoot me or beat me. It's because of my driver I could escape," he says on the condition that his name is not revealed.

It's also an open secret that every single family pays a monthly fee to militants. Reportedly, even the police and politicians are not exempt. Any attempt to avoid the extortion, or abandon the negotiations for how much, leads to kidnapping.

So often in Imphal, people live in half-constructed houses; a finished house would suggest a higher income, leading to a bigger amount demanded by the militants.

So Manipur tries to live quietly, hoping to not catch the attention of either the separatist groups, or the armed forces, which locals say, are often a bigger terror.

More than anyone else, they blame New Delhi for an indifference to their problems, which are now affecting not just their physical but also their mental safety.

New Delhi's indifference... and terror tactics by at least three dozen separatist militias operating in the state.

Obituary

2009-11-06T20:08:00.005+05:30

We were together since so many years. I had known him for more than a decade or so. A friend whom I could depend during my worst and best time to be with me. Fun without him was never complete and will never be complete and same.

Your memories will be with me forever. The absence is going to make lot of difference to me for sure.

It's was only yesterday we talked on phone. It was only past few months we were together.

The news of his death has numb all senses since morning and every moment I'm hoping that it is just a dirty prank or dream. The more I tried to stop thinking the more it is dragging me into.

PS : One of my best friends since the time we were in half-pant as uniform (for more than 15 years) died in a freak road accident today morning.

Rusting Body

2009-11-01T22:49:00.003+05:30

There was a time when I could eat only a guava and spent my day with no lunch / dinner. A maggi would suffice for the day. After a heavy dinner / lunch, I could run or walk. It was the time I was fit , very fit. Illness came very rarely then.

But, nowadays it seems my immunity has dropped very low. Eating even an apple on empty stomach in morning will bring fever though it doesn't last not more than few hours. Catching fever, headache and migraine seems to be very normal and routine now. I can't remember a week without any illness. After a dinner / lunch how light it is I want to avoid brisk walking even for a small distance - like to next room.

My body is rusting. I still wondering for the very reason because I never did anything special when I was very fit also. Perhaps, the time has come to pick the jogging shoes and do something extra to stay fit and trim.

Happy Diwali

2009-10-18T10:44:00.002+05:30

Happy diwali to all.

Let the lights from diwali light up your life. It would be delightful celebration all across India except for Manipur who is currently fighting for the survival which is again complicated by the deadlock between the CM and protesters resulting in boycott of classes since last 2 months. The state board exam currently faces the situation of canceling which will result in losing of years, hopes for thousands of students if it happens.

I decided to stay away from crackers unlike the previous diwalis. Not because I don't like them but, because staying away from them atleast would save some child from forced labour as the report suggested that many of these crackers were made by kids as young as ten. Just a day before there was blast in cracker factory in Tamil Nadu resulting in death of as many 32 people but many people inspite of repeated broadcast in TV failed to notice this.

Unless we stop ourselves, any kind of laws and law enforcement agencies can't stop it. At least, this year I had done my part by staying away from crackers. Hoping that you'll join me sooner than expected.

Wake Up Sid : My Review

2009-10-13T01:45:00.003+05:30

I was about to give "Wake Up Sid" a miss. Not because of any reviews but, the teasers of the movie looks like Lakshya's first half. Lakshya being one of favorite movies so I hate any kind comparison / remake with it.

With the coming of unexpected holiday due to election in Maharashtra (Mumbai) and good reviews from close friends make me watch the film at the end.

To begin with I would say it was nice and refreshing movie. And would recommend you for the same.

The story line of the movie is,perhaps, inspired from Lakshya (as I said earlier) and Waqt - Race against time (the first movie which I watched with my own money after first pay cheque) and Konkana's part was probably lifted from "Luck By Chance" with little change. But, to this Karan Johar has added lot of youth and Ranbir Kapoor delivered the perfect "Sid" in him.

The movie have shown how bollywood is fast maturing in story telling without going to stupid angles like the Sid in the movie who was fast maturing and learning every next scene - simple, straight and bull's eye.

Go for it. Missing it will be disappointment because such movie rarely comes in Bollywood.

Education in Manipur

2009-10-12T02:06:00.004+05:30

The above picture (taken from net) perfectly describes the education in Manipur. The classes from Pre-Nursery to level of University including those private courses like computer are in state of boycott for more than two months. And, there is no sign of letting up of protest in weeks to come.

Education has become latest casualty. All the appeals are going to deaf ear and Chief Minister is clung to power as if it is birth right shamelessly in spite so much protests from all sides since July Last Week.

Not to be watched

2009-10-11T22:32:00.001+05:30

There are two things which I feel it's highly over-rated and not to be watched :

1. T20 and ODI
Too much of cricket is killing the interest whatever interest I have. There are so many tournaments, tours that I have lost track of them since past one year or so. Too much of cricketers on ads and news (for wrong or no reasons) is taking a toll on my interest. But, I'm still watching and following Test Match of great interest. Rumour is saying that ICC is introducing another trophy for acting next year and all the Indian cricketers are front runner.

2. Reality Shows
First it was "Big Boss" then came so many that I lost interest at all. Even during the first year of Big Boss, I used to fight with roomie then asking him to put some other channel. Now, every channel has more one reality show running at the same time. I will better switch off my TV set rather than watching some stupid reality show.

A hectic Week and the new twists

2009-10-10T13:11:00.002+05:30

A very hectic week. One of uncle's friend and his brother had put up in my place for past 4 days as they were here to attend some IT-related seminar. I went to receive them at airport but, it was sleepy experience. The flight was delayed by over 3 hours due to the stormy weather since past few days. By the time they reached, it was well past midnight. So, by the time I went to bed it was too late for office next day.

But, eventually I had to go to office after lunch for my half yearly performance discussion with my boss as it was last day according to the mail by HR. It was a fun filled engaging debate throughout for more than 2 hours. The longest discussion in my group. I had been honest with my points. No buttering. It's all filled with bitter truth. At the end, my boss applauded me and gave me a rating of "very good" with some encouraging and good comments. But, when it's comes to appraisal, I'm skeptical due to my past experiences. But, I think I'm about to grow beyond that stage as I'm finding myself more comfortable in handling criticism and bad remarks without much setback.

My apartment with no guest room was finding little small specially with 2 guests who are very much senior to me. So, I had to skip the online conference for writing the letter for the upliftment of class boycott in Manipur. Juggling for the office and to attend to my guests made this week really hectic. Finally, they left today early morning.

Last day of the week was the twist and may bring in some dynamical change in career if things work out in my way. One of my previous bosses gave me hint that I'm ready for bigger role and I should approach my resource manager for the same. I wrote a mail about the same. Things were under discussion then among them it seemed. Let's see how things unwrap. I'm keeping my find cross as of now.

Quick Gun Murugun : My Review

2009-09-21T20:01:00.001+05:30

I would have repented a lot more if I had given “Quick Gun Murugun” a skip in theatre. Extended weekend due to Id falling on Monday had made me idle without anything to do.

So, my ex-roomie S and I made up the plan of catching the matinee show of the said movie (after many weeks of release) as there was no movie worth our time and money at this time.

The trailers / teasers of the said movie had failed to capture my attention. But, the good review coming from many friends / colleagues make me wonder of the said movie.

The movie was out rightly funny. I thoroughly enjoyed from beginning to end. Each dialogue was delivered was master-piece and very funny. They took a pot-shot on many movies, ideas and celebrities. The dialogue delivered in the pure south Indian ascent added the real spice and magic to the movie. Mind it.

I won’t be surprised if this movie gets cult status in matter of time.

Watch it if you can still catch in some theatre. I’m very sure this movie will make your day.

Hopeless State

2009-09-06T13:30:00.001+05:30

Being away from my homeland brings me a lot of fond memories of that place.

Religiously, I will browse all the websites bringing any information from that place since many years. I follow every bits of news on it as if there is something I can do about it. I didn’t care to read the newspaper while in home but, the distance has made me grew fonder of that place.

In spite of knowing that there is little thing I can actually do remotely for that place, I’ll spent whole night sleepless thinking about the same, connecting with like-minded people and doing what everything is possible from our end. From writing mails to concerned people and articles we did everything which was in our capacity and still there is no stopping to these activities.

But, it seems the place is deterioting each day. Our best effort to do something is worthless. All the discussions on what can be done next always ends in discussing the vicious cycle of corruptions which is existing at every level and part of life. The kind of feeling after a long discussion on the same is feeling of sinking.

At times, I think it’s worthless spending precious times on it but, the love of the place always drags me back even though deep inside I know how much hopeless and worthless it is.

Kaminey : my review

2009-08-24T19:06:00.001+05:30

I finally catch the much acclaimed 'Kaminey'.

First I thought I was watching some kind of renowned Quentin Tarantino film. As Kaminey had all kind of Tarantino's signature. Perhaps, it was a bit of challenge for bollywood to deliver such a movie. Vishal experimented on it (perhaps, inspired) and got acclaimed including from shrewd Rajiv Masand who thinks many times before even giving a single star. Perhaps, all the critics in India are giving stars for doing something new in bollywood and nothing else.

But, to me it was re-run of some Tarantino's movie laced with some bollywood masala.

Except for the acting skill of actors / actresses specially Shahid and Priyanka in that movie it was an awful movie.

I would rather skip. My rating for the said movie won't go beyond 2 star and a thumbs down.

Reliance : a very money minded company

2009-08-23T11:33:00.001+05:30

Reliance Electric Bill carries a number of guidelines and advisory for reduction of electricity usage. Previous month, my electric bill hit a roof top when my cousin and brother were at my place and every possible appliance was virtually on throughout the day. In that month’s bill, Reliance Electric Bill didn’t say anything about it.

That day I read on newspaper that a woman was complaining that the Reliance wrote to her when her electric bill was cut down by more than half due to efficient usage but, not in vice-versa.

At first, it was heard to believe until I saw the same message on my bill when bill was cut down to more than 50% than previous month as my cousin and brother had left. It is surprised and shocking to find the message in the column of ‘Important Message’.

Maybe they may something in their mind but to me (and many users) it shows how money minded they are.

Weighty Issue

2009-08-06T23:58:00.003+05:30

My weight ,some months back, was 74Kg. The doctor who came for routine check-up in office told me that I was over-weight by about 5-6 kg and adviced me to worked on it then.

Today again I checked. The indicator is still showing 74 Kg. I didn't speak to the doctor afterward due to feeling of embarrassment.

From the past few months, I had cut down the intake of cold drinks to almost zero. Previously, I used to gulp down atleast 1 litre in a day or two. I started walking home from office which takes me around 20 minutes. But, somehow it is making no impact on my weighty issue.

From that slim and trim body then , I now look complete ugly with stomach coming out, double-chin and face becoming rounder. The photos taken 3 years back make me feel envy of how I used to look then when my weight was around 64Kg. A junior in my office was telling 'the specs (frame) is now looking funny with my face becoming rounder .'

My resolution to go for morning jogging is still only a wish.

The only silver lining is that I'm able to hang on to 74 Kg for quite sometime. But, question remains 'how long?'

Grim Truth of Salaried Class !

2009-07-31T20:36:00.002+05:30

Today, I was speaking to my uncle on phone for quite some time vis-a-vis on the upcoming IPOs and which one were good to invest or not. It was a general talk with little or no brain.

In between, my uncle mentioned that he had read a book (couldn't re-collect the name) which said a salaried class person couldn't become rich due to inflation, de-valuation and tax.

After the phone conversation, I gave a thought on the said conversation.

Inflation : If I stick to a single company my salary will rise by about 10% on average yearly given a scenario that the company is not doing re-structure of salary, the current average inflation is around 5-6% (the price of the cabbage flower is Rs 60 per Kg and Tur dal is Rs 100 per Kg for you information right now) so a part of the salary goes to balance out that inflation.

De-Valuation : Secondly, the investment which I did with the hard earned is de-valuated to the depreciation of money. So, the return on the hard-money investment is less than expected value even though they look and appear to be same. A 10 rupee note in hand today has more value than t’row.

Tax : Third and most important, the Income Tax department is always around to levy tax as much as possible. Because of TDS (Tax Deduction at Source) for salaried class nothing can be hidden from their eyes. For, every 100 rise, I ended up paying 30 bucks in returns. Moreover, there is indirect tax on everything which I buy. With the already taxed money, I'm again giving tax through indirect tax. It’s tax on tax. But, the most painful part comes when you have to pay when your investment from hard-earned money gets matured at the same rate after such a long and painful wait.

So, at the end whatever the rise is nullified. Rich and Salaried Class goes go together seldom.

No wonder many of the salaried class ended up in small flat (or a large flat in faraway places) and a small car by the time of retirement which they manage with the entire EPF and gratuity fund.

This is the price every salaried class is paying at the end. This is the reality of being salaried class.

PS : I’m also a ‘salaried class’.

Watching Movies : New Found Habit

2009-07-26T15:11:00.000+05:30

It was reading when I was in college. I indulged in lot reading. It was part of my habit. Even during exams I would read some novels to de-stress myself from tensions and pressures. I would travel for more than hours to buy 'cheap' second hand novel and also exchanged the already read ones. In a go, I would buy atleast 3-4 novels and would try to finish them in least than a fortnight. The conversation with my friends / colleagues were "Have read that one? It's fabulous."

But, after I started working and specially after buying the computer with almost 24-hours connected to net, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep on reading. Not because I don't have time but, because I have lost interest in reading. Even the recommended from my friend about a novel goes to my deaf ear. At best, I would read few pages and finally, dumped it.

It's been almost a year or more that I had almost gave up reading. My new found habit is watching movies (in home). I started watching movies of all the generations. I have a collection of more than 300GB in movies. More than 200 GB yet to be watched. I watched all sort of movies from Korean to French to Germans to Russians, I have few close knit friends with whom I keep on exchanging movies. Watching with subtitle (even for english movies) makes things more understandable of the movie as their is some difference in the ascent.It's true that movie doesn't that kind of feel that a novel gives but, somehow movie has taken over reading for me atleast.

First thing, I go to wikipedia and read something like plot / summary about the movie to find out whether the movie is of my taste or not. (Many times my likings are slightly different from my friends). My favorites are movies based on WWII or any cartoon movies.

The current rate is "one movie per day or 2".

Being Ethical !

2009-07-13T20:38:00.001+05:30

Some months back we had a week dedicated to the ethics in workplace. That week was like a normal week where the message regarding the work ethics is renewed, re-vowed and refreshed to all the employees. It was something very normal in my many years of working experience. But, as part of the opening the ‘ethic week’, the MD made an opening speech on the same topic. He quoted one example and that example is still lingering in my sub-conscious thoughts.

The example – “One employee of the company does online shopping from office for few hours during office hours. Legally, he is being unethical in the workplace. But, his justification is that – ‘what’s the harm in spending a few minutes to do online shopping from office as by the time I reach home the shops are already closed and has to take leave from office to do same shopping which mean more loss to the office’. He is wrong and right at the same time. It is very difficult to draw the line of ethics to each employee so it is the conscience of the employee to decide what is ethical and unethical. But, being ethical is line laksman-rekha. Once you crossed, it’s hard / impossible to come back.”

The above example from our MD which I still remember vividly makes me feel guilty many times. Guilty because I do check mails which is not related to office and reply to them many times spending quite some time to do the same. Here, I’m not talking of the forward-chain mails but, mails which need my reply / attention to a large extent.

I’m doing introspect from that day. I realized myself I’m spending a quite some time on such mails. Such mails are sometimes take lot of emotion to write. And, after writing such mails, it becomes really hard to come back to the reality of office which eventually affects my productivity and creativity.

Even though I wished / wanted to stop from that moment but, the prior commitments to the group which I’m actively involved doesn’t allow me. But, slowly I started disassociating from such things during the office hours. Finally, after much efforts and self-convincing I almost stop such things.

Terminator Salvation : The Ugly Duckling

2009-07-01T00:17:00.001+05:30

The new terminator edition has failed to live up to its legacy. You can't find any heart stopping actions or layers of stories. The story is quite confusing. It looks like a disjoint movie compare to the previous stories of legacy.

Arnold (animated or real ?) which featured for less than a minute trying to link this edition to those legacy which had Arnold as main role is redundant and completely unnecessary.

Watch it for the actions and Christian Bale (looks more of supporting role) and you'll love this movie.

If you watch (which I did) for the sake of terminator legacy than this is completely disappointing movie.

I will rate it 1 on a scale of 5.

Reason for (infamous) segmentation fault / Core dumping

2009-06-25T22:12:00.002+05:30

It is seen that inspite of capturing lot of requirements and coding meticulously, the code which we wrote is bound to some kind of core dumping at certain point of time if it is part of large application / system.

Many of the analysis of the core dumps through debugger always point to something which was totally unexpected while coding, some kind of input which is not expected and not taken care.

In a large application, it will be very difficult to ensure that all the methods / functions behave properly and gives you the right return everytime for the next functions / methods which is a very much ideal / perfect situation.

One way of encountering it is to make your method takes care of such unexpected inputs which is like conquering the hell to make heaven safe because you never know what hell can be of. I feel this is very difficult or next to impossible in a large system.

So, the next easier way of dealing with the same problem is to check your input before you processed or passed to your methods / functions. This will ensure that atleast your code don't dump because somebody feeds you something wrong. It is simple logic GIGO (Garbage In and Garbage Out). Check the input reject it if it garbage / unwanted to your code. I think this will resolve as much as more than 90% of your core dumps provided you code it as expected with your sets of input.

New found Passion : Stock Marketing

2009-06-18T05:40:00.000+05:30

I was looking all the possible options so that my wife won't sit idle before she get a job. The kind of criteria which she is looking (and I prefer) - near and good in place like Mumbai will take time to realize. I hit upon the idea of making her spent time on stock marketing. Since past few weeks she started reading business pages (which was non-existent till yesterday), business sites and sites which gives readings of sensex. Even I suggested to keep an eye on some companies which is worth the investment according to me for a long term. While trying to help her, I slowly started having interest in stock. It's now a new found passion for me.

I took back the password of my demat account which was with my uncle since I opened the account. Today, the moment I reached office, I bought shares of NTPC and Satyam Computers.

NTPC because it is PSUs and the upcoming budget may have something for power sector as the need of power is going to manifold as India progresses.

Satyam because after the change of guard it is going to do better. Satyam has the manpower, infrastructure and process to do well in some point of time. The effect of scandal is slowly mitigating and things started improving. It will be back to its original position in some point of time.

These were my reasons for buying. I listened to my colleagues who were in stock market since long time but, I took little or no advice from them as it is going to my own hard-money to be invested. So, I want only myself to be blamed if things goes busted or worst.

Both the shares I bought showed some profit in the beginning. But, after lunch time both are in RED. Let's see what happens in long run.

Some more investment will happen soon but, not much.

Caution : Investing in share market is like tiger waiting for prey

To make other happy !

2009-06-11T22:46:00.003+05:30

Sometimes, we do certain things which only to make someone happy but, not ourselves even if we aren't enjoying / happy doing the same.

I'm doing introspect of such things in my life in past few years as far as I can remember very well and vividly.

Such things which I did for the sake of someone's happiness had a common link. They were all disastrous to me at the end. No wonder that they were disastrous because they were done half-heartedly with no much intention.

Sometimes, it became too stupid to continue and I found myself almost stuck in some senseless situation. Moving out of the situation was rather difficult by that time with so many things on stake and liability.

By the time I moved out of the situation, I lost many good friends and well-wisher by then and also earned bad reputation from other.

And, for myself I earned bad memories which is going to haunt me for a long time and which can't be undone easily.

Don't do things because you want to make someone happy. But, do it because it makes you happy.

Election : My Review

2009-05-30T23:10:00.003+05:30

Many people have their own views of why the Congress ended up winning records numbers inspite of many exit polls showing neck-neck fight between UPA and NDA.

In so many years, UPA (Congress) almost touches the magic figure inspite of many factors doing round against them. India being divided by socio-economic factors, giving a review as the whole nation will be difficult and not right. Regional issues plays main role rather than National Issues at many times and many places.

For example, UPA defeated NDA badly in Mumbai because Mumbaikar felt more safe in hands of Manmohan Singh during this period of economic uncertainties. The NDA doesn't have any stalwart who can match that of UPA. Second thing, effect of MNS who eats out many votes of BJP-Shiv Sena as both Shiv Sena and MNS has the same origin and goal so trying to differentiate between two will be difficult and confusing.

For small place like Manipur, the rule party always win whether there is issue or not. Seeing an opponent party winning was a rare chance in many elections.

But, there were few national agenda according to me which finally decides the outcome :

1. (Desperate) projection of LK Advani as PM candidate : It looked like a desperate effort from BJP to make LK Advani at least once as PM as if it is his birth right before the age catches up finally. The effort was unnecessarily too much that it started looking like a desperate measure. Add to this, hitting below the belts of Manmohan Singh calling him "Weak PM" didn't go down well with common man. Personal attack should be avoided if you are looking for top-post.

2. Economic Slowdown : NDA didn't have any big stalwarts who could match Manmohan or Chidambaram when it came handling economy. The economy was hitting the bottom. For a common man (urban), what is most important is safe job, good return and good sensex run. So, the common man prefers to be with the safe hand instead rather than trying with new hands of NDA. See how the sensex hit the upper circuit on the next day of UPA mandate.

3. Hindu Politics : BJP at times go beyond the limits of the understandability of common man. The brutal attack at Mangalore Pub was uncalled for. This separates the working youth class almost forever. This created a fear deep inside the mind of everyone of BJP coming to powerful and putting so many restrictions. The attack on churches at Orissa, Mangalore was highlight of BJP intruding other religions. No wonder they almost drew blank in NE India which is dominated by Christians. When this issues were dying slowly, the hate speeches of Varun Gandhi hit the headline of all National News which refreshes the memories of everyone of Hindu Politics of BJP. Denying the candidature of Varun Gandhi might have done wonders to the common man conscience but, BJP wanted to keep the other Gandhi in their pocket. This eventually confused everyone on the thinking process of BJP. The closeness of BJP with Bajrang Dal, Ram Sena etc. was another important factor. People worry that Bajrang Dal, Ram Sena may become too powerful with BJP giving them a free hand when it comes to power.

4. Nuclear Deal : Everyone understand that Nuclear Deal was really good for India except for Communist party. The opposition to such a good deal was like digging the own graves. The CPI(M) was the main opponents who even pull out support of UPA. This was total disconnect with the ideology and thinking of common man. Due to which, CPI(M) was even beaten badly in home grown also. NDA should have supported such deals but, being in opposition and wanted to rob congress of their good work, they also did the same things as CPI(M). This hadn't gone down well with the common man also.

For the above 4 reasons, I won't vote of BJP this time even if I'm a supporter of BJP every year and every election.

PS : I didn't vote because my constituency is more than 3 days away from my working place.

PMS stories continues

2009-05-29T21:06:00.001+05:30

The PMS was over long time ago. The feeling of depression, shock,angry etc. with me has sunk a bit. Get better with everyday.

Like me, there are many unhappy people in my office. The stories of how appraisal was done finally (by so-called HR council) started tumbling down slowly from many sources which are very reliable as far as my experience counts.

The story doing the round is that there was no measurement of your performance done exactly. It is your relation and how well can you butter your boss and superiors was count at the end of day. Favoritism, bias ,personal ego, bad blood, personal grudges etc. all come into play while evaluating someone performance inspite of all the hype which was doing for past 1 year due to the new HR team. It's like old wine in the new bottle.

I don't want to believe this story as I'll lost interest and trust in future PMS and my superiors if I have to. But, looking at the kind of data and backtracking the same, I'm completely sure something is true and done in a very unprofessional and unethical way.

PMS is basically making mockery of someone's performance. PMS is like deciding who is better "blue-eye" boy rather than deciding who has done well and better.

This is bound to happen unless it becomes truly objective based, measured per given standard scale and devoid of human emotions and touch.

Wrong Strategy : Tata Sky Plus ad

2009-05-28T23:35:00.001+05:30

Yesterday, I was doing my best to keep myself awake to watch the Grand Finale of Uefa Champions League between Manchester United and Barcelona. The timing as per IST was pretty odd like any other soccer matches. Starting at 12:15am and full-time (normal play) would dragged upto 2:15am. With a office next day, watching such a match remained the challenge but, many times I somehow make it to watch till the end.

Before the start of the match, same ad of Tata Sky recording was shown repeatedly. In the ad, Aamir Khan going to sleep letting his Tata Sky plus to record the live match as he have office next day; he was leaving with taunting voice to viewers to keep on watching till very late and go to office next day late with the prospect of boss shouting.

I think the whole idea of this ad is wrong. Recording features has come and gone but, none succeed. What Tata Sky is doing is nothing inventive or innovation.

Such recordings are shown next day in many channels but, you don't find that excitement to watch except for some wonderful actions. The whole idea of watching a match live is to catch the excitement, thrill, suspense rather than the actions which you can catch in highlights.

Once you know the outcome, such things like excitement dies down immediately. With internet, news channels and phone which has update of news every second, it is really difficult not to bump to news of such great finals.

Perhaps, the Tata Sky needs to understand this "true" fact and feeling of a sports-lover to sell their product in a right way.

Epilogue : Barcelona beat Manchester 2-0.

New Pants !

2009-05-24T11:56:00.000+05:30

Today, I went for shopping for new pants. Not because I don’t have but, because all the pants I have is very tied at the waistline. Perhaps, sign of prosperity. Four years back when I started working it was 28 inches. But, this has grown to 34 inches for better or worse.

My tummy is coming out a bit. A T-shirt will be thing of past very soon as it is revealing the tummy too much.

I plan to start jogging the next morning before I go to sleep every night. But, getting up early is something not in my gene at least it seems. Getting up before 9 is really difficult for me even there is office.

Going to office and returning on foot everyday which takes more than 15 minutes each way is not helping me either it seems.

Perhaps, another shopping stint for pants is in offing with this laziness in me.

My PMS

2009-05-16T12:53:00.002+05:30

Appraisal for anything is something which I really hate since a small kid. I hate to be appraised by someone who doesn’t fully understand the context of my situation but, still trying to say something. I hate it more when someone started telling me what was wrong because this de-motivates me a lot. Due to which, I never read paper when my favorite team or player lost in a match as the paper carry lot of post-mortem of what went wrong. To me what is more important is self-introspection.

In the history of our company, the result of appraisals and bonuses were announcement in first week of May compare to traditional of announcing in August or November.

HR department had lived up to its own promised and delivered things on time. The whole process started some 45 days before at the full steam with a trial run in December with the name mid-term review. For a change, the biggies (my super boss and above) were taking it very seriously for the PMS process. I happened to sit with my super boss for lunch one day. He happened to ask me about PMS completion from my side which was bit un-natural for him. In so many years, he had never asked me such questions other than projects and completion deadlines. That perhaps, shows the seriousness this time.

But, when the result came out it was the same old story. Old wine in new bottle. Because many of things were beyond justifications and answers.

After many rounds of discussions, debates and suspense the results were announced. Many of my colleagues were happy and elated and some were dejected and disappointed. One of them was me. The result was truly unexpected for me at least. The reviewer comment for me was really great and good but, at the end it was bad.

Many of the grading both for low and high are still difficult to understand including mine. The explanation given by my appraiser was shifting the blame to other and the so-called bell-curved rather than giving me the right answer. After getting the letter, I blasted my boss and told what I felt. They showed a worrying and concerned face to me. He insisted me to speak to HR for more clarity but, I declined because I knew it couldn’t be change and getting unwanted explanations and good words at this time was least invited.

The next day I skipped the office on the pretext that my wife was ill but, the real answer was due to feeling of dejection and disappointment. My boss knew it. He called me and many of my colleagues also called me with his courtesy trying to console.

Perhaps, I have grown a bit mature because things sunk faster than I thought. Next day in office, I kept quiet and did my things which were expected but, avoided all the possible debates with my boss inspite of his best effort to get me talking.

Yesterday, there was annual party of my office. I also skipped the same. HR with my boss itself was in full force to appease me. But, I avoided all the debates because I didn’t have the capacity to listen any explanation other than myself. I’m keeping things to myself including the disappointment for now.

Currently, I’m doing self-introspection for what went wrong and what went right for the last year. One thing is pretty clear that I helped people before being asked for help and many times I volunteered myself for my things. Perhaps, due to this I had been taken for granted. This is going to be changed.

I remembered when my father told me that “Never help someone unless asks for the same because this lessens your importance and value.”