A hole in my soul !

Each day is filled with a huge repentance. A repentance which I'm guarding secretly. A repentance which will take my whole life to correct it. Every single idle second I spent thinking about her and thinking how much I have hurted and hurting you.

My dreams has now turned into a nightmare. I see you almost every night crying besides me, crying for the pain I caused to you. I know and can feel how hurt you must be. Except for wishing and repenting myself I can't do much.

My heart tells no one can love me as much as you did. Now, I know it's has turned to hatred for me.

But, the repentance of losing you and repentance for my actions have already created a hole in my soul which will be never filled for this lifetime.

Now, every day I tried my best to drown myself in work, shopping or doing something stupid just to ensure my mind is occupied else the repentance put me back in wilderness.

You'll never know how much I'm missing you. But, I don't have the gut feeling to call you or sms you to let you know this.